Behind the Story

I didn’t want to write about AIDS. When the idea first came to me, I spent a week listing reasons why I shouldn’t pursue it: I didn’t know enough about the disease, no one I knew had it, I was scared, I was inadequate, I wasn’t prepared, it was too challenging, and it was not my problem!! By the end of the week, the AIDS idea hadn’t gone away, and I knew it would stay in my mind until I attempted to write Lacy and Jack’s story.
......Once I’d accepted this, I read books on AIDS and interviewed families who had lost loved ones to the illness. I bought a journal with a lock and key, just like the one Lacy buys, and used it to record my writing progress—on the page and emotionally. The anger, resistance, and shock I initially felt helped me understand Lacy and her parents’ feelings. Sometimes I imagined that Lacy and I were walking hand-in-hand, learning together about AIDS and how to deal with its devastating effects.
......I met some people with AIDS through the Seattle AIDS Support Group. I wanted to sit in on a support group meeting for people whose loved ones had AIDS, but I felt like too much of a snoop. It’s a dilemma many writers face: we have to research, eavesdrop, observe, and even spy to infuse our writing with the details that bring stories to life. It seems as if we are setting our hearts on a shelf while we do these things.
......But our hearts are not put aside. When a friend told me he was HIV-positive, I had a hard time accepting it, and I told myself, “Now I have an excuse to attend a support group.” I went to a meeting and said, “I’m here mainly because I’m writing a novel about AIDS, and secondly because a friend just learned he’s HIV-positive.” To my surprise, I started to cry, so I added, “I don’t know why I’m crying. My friend says his T-cell count has only dropped a little bit.”
......The group facilitator said gently, “A dropping T-cell count is something to cry about.”
......At that moment, my friend’s illness—and Jack’s—became much more real to me.